Resentment

The man who stores up injuries and resentments and yet fancies that he prays might as well draw water from a well and pour it into a cask that is full of holes. Evagrius, On Prayer, 22 c. AD 395

If I had to identify one primary core cause of being miserable, it is living with resentment. This is an ailment that is so insidious; it affects us all without even knowing that it exists.  Unfortunately everyone around us realizes that it exists, especially those that we have resentment towards, although we remain oblivious; for when one harbors resentment, their actions and reactions become seemingly unpredictable, erratic, destructive and downright bizarre. Again for the person, there is no self-awareness that they are acting out of line (and in fact typically justify themselves) , but the fact becomes increasingly obvious to all else.

WHAT IS RESENTMENT

 It is what our Holy Fathers call “secret anger”. It is when all past transgressions/insults from others (real or perceived), or past difficult life situations (failures, disappointments, hardships)  are left unchecked and without resolution and then all the anger, judgment, and blame will progress and turn into what the Holy Fathers call "secret or hidden anger," leading to chronic and obsessive "remembrance of wrongs," or  what we call "RESENTMENT."

We can harbor resentment towards others, towards ourselves and even towards GOD Himself.  All forms causing a path of destruction for our souls and in all of our relationships.  Resentment becomes an ever enlarging black hole, stealing our inner joy, disrupting the stillness of our hearts, while ushering in chronic interpersonal relational dysfunction.

 St. Tikhon of Zadonsk says: "Just as fire if it is not extinguished quickly will swallow many houses, so anger if it is not stopped right away will do great harm and will cause many troubles.

St. Paul says: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil” (Eph. 4:26-7). Did you hear that: “Do not make room for the devil”; holding onto anger and judgment, letting it ferment in our souls will emit such a foul spiritual odor that it will attract our enemy---God Forbid. 

GOD IS LOVE

We know that God is Love; this is the center of our understanding of our relationship with the Trinity and therefore with one another.  Resentment is the rejection of love and therefore the rejection of God.  It is making ourselves the center of the universe and the ultimate judge; we begin to play God and try to assume His position of judgment and retribution.

This rejection of Love ultimately poisons our heart, mind, and souls; we cannot think straight, behave strangely and unpredictably eventually blocking our path to holiness and healing---thereby preventing us from participating in the Kingdom (now as well as later).

SIGNS OF RESENTMENT

Are we experiencing inner turmoil, unable to obtain peace, and always feeling unsettled? Does sleep fail us and are up at night tossing and turning? Are we feeling bothered, weighed down, and constrained with no end in sight? Does chronic anxiety plague us, not allowing any rest to our souls? Do we feel empty and at a loss?

If you, like me, can relate to the above symptomology we may be suffering from hidden and secret anger---Resentment. The fact of the matter is that this emptiness comes from our separation from God by allowing the poison of hidden anger burn our souls. When we choose judgment and anger over forgiveness and love, then we force HIS Grace to flee leaving is hollow, bare, and without Life.

RAMIFICATIONS

This spiritual hollowness and graceless condition leads one to become cynical, passive aggressive, malicious, and an overall negative person. Negative people and negative situations seem to follow us wherever we go; we find ourselves in conflict constantly and we believe we are always right and never in the wrong; the problems then progresses where we feel the need to fill the spiritual emptiness and loneliness with deceit, drugs, alcohol, and/or sex--- trying to numb the pain that we have unwittingly caused ourselves. This spiritual disease then can even progress to physical sickness.

NOW WHAT

Becoming aware of our condition and having some genuine self-reflection is the starting point.  In the next blog, I will be addressing true forgiveness, the remedy for this spiritual tragedy.  But for now, I would encourage us all, especially during this Holy season of Advent, to see your spiritual father, and reconnect with a life of confession and repentance.

Praying for a edifying Advent for you all,

Ft. Spyridon