The gift of God's forgiveness is received through private prayer, corporate worship, the disciplines of prayer and fasting, penitential services and above all through the sacrament of Holy Confession.
Holy Confession is appropriate whenever an Orthodox Christian feels the need for it. It is also a part of our total spiritual preparation during the fast periods leading up to the great feasts of Easter, Christmas, the Falling Asleep of the Theotokos and the Feast of Twelve Apostles. However, Holy Confession is especially necessary:
- when a serious sin has been committed;
- when a habitual sin has overwhelmed a Christian, or
- when a Christian has stopped growing spiritually and needs a reexamination of priorities.
We confess our sins to God and the power of forgiveness is God's. However, the gift of God's forgiveness, although assured, is not magical. It does not automatically spare us from spiritual struggle - the continual vigilance against evil and
the unceasing warfare against sin. Holy Confession will bear fruits in
the Spirit only when the believer hates evil, utterly rejects sin and patiently cultivates positive habits of the life in Christ. "So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to Christ Jesus. Do not yield your members to sin as instruments of wicked ness, but yield yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life" (Rm 6:11, 13)
HELPS FOR CONFESSION
1. Think back to your last confession. Did you forget to say something?
Did you purposely not say something that you should have?
2. PREPARE for confession. If necessary, write on a slip of paper or an index
card what you want to say.
3. Don’t forget that there exist a) sins of commission: bad things that
you shouldn’t have done, and b) sins of omission: good things that you
should have done, but didn’t.
4. Be specific (i.e., “I told a lie,” “I stole something”).
5. Don’t mention other people’s names or talk about other people.
They have to go to confession for themselves.
GUIDELINES FOR CONFESSION
WHAT HAPPENS IN CONFESSION?
How does Holy
Confession work? In brief, the first thing is to examine your life and
your actions. When (notice I didn’t say ?if”) you realize that you have
circumstances you need to bring before God for reconciliation, it is
time to make an appointment with your priest. At the appointed time you
will meet the priest at the place of confession – in front of an icon,
in a special room, wherever it is appropriate. The priest will begin the
Service of Holy Confession with some petitions and prayers for the
blessing and healing of your soul. You will then share your confession.
This may also involve some spiritual counseling with the priest.
When
you are finished, the priest will typically ask you to kneel. He will
then place the Epetrahelion (the long sash around his neck) over your
head and read the prayers of absolution. This fulfills the command of
Christ given to the Apostles (and through them down to the priests)
that, "whosoever sins you remit, they are remitted; and whosoever sins
you retain, they are retained."
These
prayers invoke God’s promise to work through the hands of the priest as
well as giving the penitent the opportunity to physically hear that
their sins are forgiven. Once these prayers are completed the Service of
Holy Confession is concluded and you are free to go.
ANOTHER AID FOR CONSIDERATION - Confession before the Spiritual Father
NOTE:
The following text is used in some traditions as a general confession
by the confessor before the priest since it covers sins common to
mankind. It has room for any specific additional remarks as shown. Its
use may be considered after talking with your priest or Spiritual
Father.
I
confess to the Lord my God and before you my Spiritual Father, all my
innumerable sins which I have, until today, committed in word, deed and
thought. Every day and every hour I sin ungratefully towards the Lord
Who gives me, the sinner, His great and infinite blessings through His
providence.
My sins are the following:
Vain words,
criticism of others, disobedience, pride, unmercifulness, envy, spite,
jealousy, anger, slander, inattention, neglect for my salvation,
carelessness, inconsiderateness, impertinence, irritability,
hopelessness, revenge, hard heartedness, contradiction. I complain too
much, I am self-righteous, I harm my neighbor, I speak with contempt, I
lie, I make fun of my neighbor, I am scandalous, I am egotistical,
ambitious, gluttonous, vain, idle. I have evil thoughts, I am greedy, I
look at or read immoral photographs, periodicals and books, I am
negligent during Church services, I lack concentration during prayer at
Church and home.
Generally,
I have sinned through words, deeds, thoughts, sight, hearing, smell,
taste, touch, and with all these feelings, bodily and of the soul.
I repent of all my sins and I ask for forgiveness from my Lord and my God.
(Here we can state other sins that exist in our soul.)
Also, I repent and ask forgiveness for sins which I possibly forgot and did not mention during my confession.
I
ask you, please, my spiritual Father, to forgive and release me of all
my sins and give me your blessings to partake in Christ’s Holy and
Life-giving Mysteries, to the renunciation of sin and the receiving of
life-everlasting.
A GENERAL PRAYER OF REPENTANCE
(NOTE: this does not take the place of Holy Confession...)
O
LORD our God, good and merciful, I acknowledge all my sins which I have
committed every day of my life in thought, word and deed; in body and
soul alike. I am heartily sorry that I have ever offended you and I
sincerely repent; with tears I humbly pray to you O Lord: of your mercy
forgive me all my past transgressions and absolve me from them. I firmly
resolve with the help of your Grace to amend my way of life and to sin
no more; that I may walk in the way of the righteous and offer praise
and glory to the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
Some Final Thoughts
Some would say that
if you can’t think of anything you need to come to Holy Confession for
then you can at least confess the sin of pride! All this
self-examination is well and good. However the ultimate self-examination
is comparison to Christ. If we find ourselves falling short in any
aspect of this comparison then Holy Confession is necessary. Now you may
laugh and say, "Ha! With this criteria everyone would need to come to
Holy Confession!” And you would be absolutely correct...
The
Sacrament of Reconciliation (Holy Confession) is a required sacrament
that is supposed to be practiced regularly. For some that might mean
once a month. For others that might mean three or four times a year.
Although circumstances may prevent some from practicing this frequency
(distance from their priest or Spiritual Father for instance), everyone
should consider coming a minimum of once or twice a year, and more
frequently as time permits.
As
with any sacrament, you should discuss any questions you have with your
priest or Spiritual Father. You have nothing to lose except a lot of
imperfections in the sand. And what you have to gain is a footstep more
firmly planted on the road to Theosis. Reconcile yourself to God at your
earliest convenience. God desires your unhindered companionship and
presence. You just may find that you enjoy His company.
You and God
- Do you believe in God, the
Holy Trinity, and in the divinity of Christ? Do you respect the Holy Virgin Mary,
the Saints, and the Angels? Do you believe in the Church and its Mysteries (Sacraments)?
Do you believe that Heaven and Hell exist?
- Do you trust yourself always, and especially during the difficult times of your
life, to the care and Providence of God? Or do you despair and show a lack of faith?
- Perhaps in the problems, afflictions, sicknesses, and trials of your life you
moan and complain against God and lose your faith and confidence?
- Do you believe in mediums, fortune-telling, tarot card reading, or coffee-cup
reading? Do you tell other people to believe in such things and go to such people?
- Do you believe in superstition?
- Do you believe in luck?
- Do you pray morning and evening and before and after each meal? Are you embarrassed
to make the sign of the cross in the presence of others, for example, in a restaurant
or outside a holy church when you are passing by? Do you not make your cross properly?
- Do you read the Holy Bible as well as other Orthodox spiritual books daily?
- Do you go to church on Sundays and on the major Feast Days? [3]
- Do you follow the Divine Liturgy carefully and reverently from the start
until the end, or do you go late and leave before the end? Do you let your mind
wander in church?
- Do you go to church dressed in a proper and dignified way? Are you careful not
to laugh, or talk even if it is a Wedding or Baptismal service?
- Do you perhaps prevent or restrict your spouse or children from going to church?
Or do you tell your acquaintances not to go to church?
- Do you commune regularly or only once a year, and then without Holy Confession?
- Do you give oaths without need or, if so, lie as well? Did you perhaps not fulfill
your oath, vow, or promise? The Bible forbids oaths completely, saying that our
"yes" be "yes" and our "no" be "no" (St Matthew 5:7).
- Do you blaspheme the Name of God, the Virgin Mary, and our Saints by speaking
irreverently of them?
- Do you fast (unless you have a serious health problem)
on Wednesdays and Fridays and during the appointed periods of the year?
[4]
- Do you throw religious books or periodicals in unclean places?
You and Others
- Do you have hatred and ill-feelings
towards someone who did you wrong or insulted you in their anger?
- Are you suspicious and do you without reason suspect that everyone supposedly
talks about you, that they don't want you, and that they don't love or like you?
- Are you jealous and upset over the progress, fortune, possessions and beauty
of others?
- Are you unmoved by the misfortune and needs of your fellow men?
- In your transactions with your business partners, co-workers, and clients, are
you honest and forthright?
- Have you criticized or slandered your fellow man, wrongly accusing them?
- Are you sarcastic and patronizing towards believers, or towards those who
fast and endeavor to live a Christian life, or towards those who have physical/mental
problems and/or disabilities?
- If you heard some information or criticism against someone, did you pass it on
to others and harm (even unwillingly) their reputation and respect?
- Did you criticize the conduct, actions, faults, and mistakes of another person
when they were not present, even if what you said was the truth? Have you ever criticized
the clergy? Do you gossip about and criticize the personal lives of others? Did
you listen to someone blaspheming God or a holy person, and not protest?
- Do you curse those who have harmed you, or curse yourself in difficult moments
of your life, or curse the day and hour in which you were born?
- Do you send others "to the devil" or give them rude hand gestures?
- Do you respect your parents? Do you look after them? Do you put up with their
elderly weaknesses? Do you help them with their bodily and spiritual needs? Are
you mindful of their spiritual needs by making sure they go to church and partake
worthily of Holy Communion? Have you abandoned them?
- Have you misguided your parents to leave to you in their will more of their
estate than is proper, thus causing injustice to your brothers and sisters?
- Perhaps in your anger did you hit anyone with your hands or injure them with
your words?
- Do you perform your job or occupation properly and with a good conscience? Or
are you unfair to others?
- Do you steal? Perhaps you have encouraged or helped another person to steal?
Have you agreed to cover up a theft? Have you bought or accepted goods known to
be stolen?
- Are you ungrateful towards God and generally towards your helpers and beneficiaries?
Do you grumble and murmur against them?
- Do you keep company with bad and sinful people or associates? With your words
or example, have you ever pushed anyone to sin?
- Have you ever committed forgery? Have
you ever embezzled or defrauded the public? Have you borrowed money and/or other
possessions and without returning or repaying them?
- Have you ever committed murder, in any way?
- Do you entangle yourself in the lives of others or in their work or their families
and become the cause of strife, quarrels and disturbances?
- Do you have mercy and compassion on the poor, on orphans, on the elderly, on
families with many children struggling to make ends meet?
- Have you lied or added or subtracted from the truth? Do you flatter others in
order to get your own way?
- Did you craftily ask for a dowry when you declared your intentions to marry?
- Have you ever sent an anonymous or cruel letter to anyone?
Yourself
- Are you a slave to materialism and worldly goods?
- Are you greedy or a lover of money?
- Are you stingy?
- Are you wasteful? Do you live by the Gospel command that whatever you have leftover
and above your needs belongs to the poor? Do you have too much love towards pets
and waste money on them while people are dying of starvation?
- Are you conceited and arrogant? Do you talk hack to your elders and superiors?
- Do you like to show off with your clothing, wealth, fortunes, and the academic
achievements of your children or of yourself?
- Do you seek attention and glory from people? Do you wear perfume, make-up, and
change the appearance that your Creator gave to you?
- Do you accept compliments and praise from others gladly and like to be told that
no one else exists who is as good as you?
- Do you get upset when others reveal your faults and do you get offended when
others examine you and when your seniors make comments about you? Do you get angry?
- Are you perhaps stubborn, high-minded, egotistical, proud, or cowardly? Be careful
with these sins, as the diagnosis and solution to them are difficult.
- Do you gamble or play cards, even without money, with relatives and people at
home to "kill time" as the saying goes?
- Have sexual sins polluted your body, mind, or soul? For example, have you engaged
in fornication (sexual intercourse before marriage), or masturbation, prostitution,
homosexuality, lesbianism, etc.?
- Do you watch dirty shows on television or at the movies?
- Do you read pornographic, immoral books and magazines?
- Have you ever considered committing suicide?
- Are you a slave to your stomach (i.e. gluttony)?
- Are you lazy, careless and negligent? Do you not help out when you can?
- Do you say improper, dirty, and immoral words or use swear words for the sake
of humor or to insult or humiliate others?
- Do you have a spirit of self-denial?
- Do you expel from your mind bad or sly thoughts that come to pollute your heart?
- Are you careful so that your eyes don't gaze or stare at provocative pictures
or people? Do you go to the movies and theatres?
- Are you careful what you ears hear? Do you like to hear sinful music and
conversations?
- Do you dress immorally? If you are a woman, do you wear men's clothing, (e.g.
pants) or short skirts, open shirts; transparent shirts, and scandalize others with
your appearance? In addition, do you dress in this way when appearing at holy places?
If you are a man, do you dress provocatively?
- Have you appeared naked in public or semi-naked in a swimsuit or bikini
publicly?
- Do you dance in a provocative and sinful manner? Do you listen to sinful
immoral songs? Do you frequent parties, nightclubs, and bars? Do you celebrate sinful,
worldly festivals such as mardigras, gay and lesbian festivals, Halloween etc.?
- Are you a drunkard? Do you abuse "recreational" or pharmaceutical drugs?
- Do you smoke? Smoking destroys your God-given valuable health and is also
wasteful of money, and therefore is a sin.
- Do you talk excessively about meaningless things?
For Couples
- Do you remain faithful to each other? It is
tragic when one of you is unfaithful to the other.
- Did one of you embarrass or criticize the other publicly or privately?
- Do you not endure the apparent weakness of the other? Do you show harshness?
- Do you or your partner permit the other to follow the latest fashion and trend
and anything which is opposed to the law of God? Do you perhaps drag the other along
to parties on the condition that you will in this way provide the other the means
to follow fashion and a worldly life?
- Do you take into consideration the struggle the other has outside and inside
the home, so that you both help each other bodily and spiritually in the struggle?
- As a partner, have you had excessive sexual demands and degraded your relationship?
Do you abstain from sexual relations on Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays, Feast Days,
(including the night before) and on the days of the Holy Fasts of the Church?
- Do you perhaps prevent your partner from going to church, spiritual gatherings
and talks?
- Do you bring up your children "in the instruction and counsel of Christ"? Do
you only concern yourself with their intellectual growth and not with the nature
of their character?
- Do you direct your children to go to church regularly, to go to confession, to
frequently partake of Holy Communion (properly prepared), and to go to Sunday school?
Do you teach holy virtues by word and example? Have you taught them to pray in the
morning, evening and before and after at each meal? Have you taught them to pray
with respect and reverence?
- Are you careful of the things they read? Do you buy books and periodical of
religious and cultural subjects for them to read and lean?
- Do you watch with whom they keep company and who their friends are?
- Do you lead them to sinful shows and entertainment or allow them to watch television
unsupervised?
- Do you teach them humility and meekness and are you careful that they dress
in a dignified way?
- Do you curse them when they upset you? Do you "send them to hell" or "to the
devil"?
- Have you had abortions or do you prevent yourself from having children (i.e.
contraception)?
- Have you been unjust to your children in the division of your estate?
- Do you as a parent believe that the responsibility of raising and educating
your children rests only with your partner? You have an obligation to educate them
and to read to them so that you can relieve you partner.
- Do you scorn your children by giving them insulting hand gestures and reprimand
them with improper language?
- Does each of you love and respect the parents of the other?
- Do the grandparents of your children and other relatives get too involved in
the family and cause disagreements and disputes?
- Do you interfere in your children's families?
- Is your partner a blasphemer? Have patience, and try hard to eliminate cursed
blasphemy!
- Have you ever considered divorcing your partner?
- Do you allow your children to become fanatical about sports and even miss church
in order to play (e.g. Sunday morning games)?
- Are you fair and just with your family, considering and respecting their
views and wishes, or do you behave like a dictator?
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF PREPARATION FOR CONFESSION
FIRST COMMANDMENT: ‘I am the Lord thy God:
Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.’
- Have I loved God as much as I should?
- Have I been more interested in my own will rather than God’s?
- Have I failed to pray sincerely and regularly?
- Have I believed in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit?
- Have I failed to trust in God and His mercy?
- Have I complained against God in adversity?
- Have I been thankful for God's blessings?
- Have I doubted the Christian faith and the teachings of the Church?
- Have I tried to serve God and keep His Commandments?
- Have I given way to superstition?
- Have I frequented the religious meetings of heretics and schismatics?
- Have I neglected my duties to God through fear of ridicule or persecution?
SECOND COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not make
unto thee any graven image.’
- Have I put another person or object before God in my life?
- Have I been insincere about my religion?
- Have I made an idol of any person or thing?
- Have I given to anyone or anything the worship that is due to God alone?
- Have I set before myself the holy life of Jesus and tried to imitate
Him?
- Have I read the Holy Scriptures regularly?
- Have I neglected to receive Holy Communion regularly or without due preparation?
THIRD COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not take the
name of the Lord in vain.’
- Have I paid proper attention to holy persons and things?
- Have I broken any solemn promises?
- Have I profaned the holy name of God in any way?
- Have I cursed anyone or anything, or sworn a false oath?
- Have I failed to give proper reverence to holy persons or things?
- Have I had due respect for the clergy of the Church or hindered them in performing
God's work?
- Have I broken any solemn vow or promise?
- Have I entered into any unlawful contract or made an unlawful promise?
FOURTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Remember the Sabbath Day
to keep it holy.’
- Have I always kept Sunday as it ought to be kept?
- Have I stayed away from Church on Sundays or prevented others from going?
- Have I done unnecessary work on Sundays?
- Have I spent the day in unwholesome fashion or profaned it by improper
conduct?
- If I could not go to Church because of illness or other grave cause, have
I prayed at home?
- Have I caused anyone else to profane the Lord's Day?
- Have I kept the Fasts and Festivals prescribed by the Church?
FIFTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Honor thy father and
thy mother.’
- Have I argued disrespectfully with my parents?
- Have I respected my parents and been obedient to them?
- Have I been guilty of deception, or caused them pain by my words or actions?
- Have I neglected them or failed to help them?
- Have I done my duty towards my family?
- Have I been wanting in love or kindness towards my mate or harmed my mate
in any way?
- Have I set my children a good example and tried to bring them up properly?
- Have I corrected their faults with patience and not with anger?
- Have I over-indulged and spoiled them?
- Have I neglected my God-children and failed in my obligations toward them?
- Have I worked for my employers honestly and diligently?
- Have I treated fairly all those who have worked for me?
- Have I honored the Church as my spiritual mother by honoring and practicing
my religion in accordance with her teachings?
SIXTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not kill.’
- Have I harmed others by ridicule & sarcasm or contempt & stubbornness?
- Have I fought with my family and friends?
- Have I caused the injury or death of any one, or wished that they or
I were dead?
- Have I done anything to shorten my own life or that of someone else by injuring
health, or through evil and intemperate living?
- Have I given way to anger, or harmed others with words or actions?
- Have I defamed others who needed help, or failed to stand up for those unjustly
treated?
- Have I been cruel to anyone or have I mistreated or destroyed any life unnecessarily?
- Have I failed to forgive anyone or harbored evil thoughts against them?
SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not commit
adultery (or infidelity).’
- Have I given way to impure thoughts, words, or deeds?
- Have I committed any unworthy actions alone or with others?
- Have I degraded myself in any way, or forgotten human dignity?
- Have I read immoral books or magazines, or delighted in obscenity of
any kind?
- Have I associated with bad companions or frequented unsavory places?
- Have I eaten or drunk or smoked too much?
- Have I been lazy, idle, or wasted my time?
- Have I led others to commit sinful acts?
- Have I been unfaithful to any trust confided in me?
EIGHTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not steal.’
- Have I ever stolen or wished to do so, or shared in stolen goods?
- Have I given to my Church what I know I can afford to give?
- Have I kept anything that did not belong to me?
- Have I tried honestly to find owners of lost articles I have found?
- Have I cheated anyone?
- Have I paid my debts?
- Have I lived within my income, and not wastefully and extravagantly?
- Have I given to charitable causes in proportion to my means?
- Have I been honest and upright?
NINTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not bear false
witness.’
- Have I exaggerated or let others take the blame?
- Have I told lies, or added or subtracted from the truth?
- Have I made careless statements or spoken evil of anyone?
- Have I told any secrets entrusted to me, or betrayed anyone?
- Have I gossiped about anyone or harmed their reputation?
- Have I concealed the truth, assisted in carrying out a lie, or pretended
to commit a sin of which I was not guilty?
- Have I tried to see the good in others rather than their shortcomings?
TENTH COMMANDMENT: ‘Thou shalt not covet.’
- Have I envied anything good that has come to others?
- Have I been jealous of another's good fortune?
- Have I wished for anything that was another's?
- Have I damaged or destroyed the property of others?
- Have I wished for things God has not given me, or been discontented with
my lot?
- Have I been stingy?
- Have I held back anything due another?
- Have I hoped for the downfall of anyone so that I might gain by it?
- Have I failed to be gracious and generous to anyone?
- Have I expected God to give me that which I would refuse one of my fellow
men?
Remember: It takes a good person to admit that he makes mistakes. You
are not bad because you go to confession. You are a good person trying
to become even better.
Please contact the priest when you are ready to schedule time for Holy
Confession.
SOURCE:
Excerpted from a “Guide to Confession”.
Endnotes
- Recommended are: 1) Repentance and Confession, by St. Nektarios (Roscoe, NY: St. Nektarios Greek Orthodox Monastery, 2002); 2) The Forgotten Medicine:
The Mystery of Repentance, by Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev (Wildwood, CA: St. Xenia Press Skete, 1994); 3) Exomologetarion: A Manual of Confession, by St.
Nikodemos the Hagiorite (Thessaloniki, Greece: Uncut Mountain Press, 2006), Part III, "Counsel for the Penitent".
- If you do not have a spiritual father, or do not think you need one, consider these materials on spiritual guidance.
- You might also consider whether it is a sin to work on holy days. See Elder Paisios the Athonite's comments on feast days and holidays.
- See the "The Rule of Fasting in the Orthodox Church," by Fr. Seraphim (Rose) of Platina, and this excerpt from The Exomologetarion concerning fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays.
